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death for pleasure

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[Monday
August 4th, 2008
1:56pm
]
It's all fun until someone loses an eye.
4

did i say I want to leave it all behind? [Sunday
July 20th, 2008
9:57pm
]
how can life be seem simple but so hard to live up to?

we,
turn one page to the next
move from one love to another
exchange old lies to new lies

yes,
i believed but i've also deceived.
when innocence is lost
all trails down to the sole constant story:
the parting.
0

migrating this poem [Sunday
July 20th, 2008
4:04pm
]
Cuando muera no quiero tristeza, ni una lagrima se deslice si no es de alegría <BR>al recordar momentos pasados, cuando muera lo haré en paz, con todos mis <BR>asuntos resueltos, mezclando rabia por abandonar este mundo y tranquilidad al <BR>poder descansar.<BR><BR>Cuando muera no quiero ser incinerado, quiero que me entierren, quiero tener un <BR>lugar reservado en esta tierra que amo tanto, no deseo desaparecer sin mas, sin <BR>dejar rastro, necesito saber que mis seres queridos sepan donde descansan mis <BR>restos para que puedan recordarme eternamente.<BR><BR>Cuando muera quiero ser pasto de gusanos para así poder completar el ciclo <BR>de la vida, ese ciclo salvaje pero al fin acabo al cual pertenecemos todos, animales <BR>y humanos, quiero que las plantas se alimenten de mi, ser útil para la <BR>recreación de nuestra maltrecha Tierra, en vida la contamine, con mi muerte <BR>seré abono para refortalecerla.<BR><BR>Cuando muera no espero nada, ni cielo ni infierno, ni resurrección ni un <BR>pasillo estrecho de luz, se que es decepcionante mi esperanza pero a la vez lógica <BR>y racional, lo que venga será para mi un regalo tal como lo fue mi vida.<BR><BR>Cuando muera quisiera que se recordaran mis cualidades y se perdonaran mis fallos, <BR>como cualquier otro humano cometí errores pero también expuse bellos <BR>detalles, la muerte pagara mis pecados, solo debe quedar lo bueno que realice <BR>en vida.<BR><BR>Cuando muera quiero que mi mujer me recuerde, que respecte nuestro compromiso, <BR>que no abrace a otros brazos que no sean los míos, como yo haría <BR>en el caso contrario, es un pensamiento egoísta, lo se, pero cuando me <BR>uní a ella no solo lo hice en cuerpo, sino en mente y ni siquiera la muerte <BR>puede romper nuestro vinculo, ese trato que sellamos siendo jóvenes sigue <BR>teniendo vigencia hoy para nuestros ancianos y cansados ojos, quiero que mi mujer <BR>sepa que ella me salvo de la mediocridad, me enseño lo que es el amor y <BR>hizo de mi vida una estancia de felicidad, fue un premio para mi que aun me pregunto <BR>que meritos hice para lograrlo.<BR><BR>Cuando muera espero que a mi hija le quede mi recuerdo grabado, que sea una bella <BR>mujer como su madre y fuerte como su padre, espero haberle ayudado a dar sus primeros <BR>pasos por esta vida para afrontar con dignidad un futuro lleno de sensaciones <BR>y que culmine las ilusiones que su padre deposito en ella, lo eres todo para mi, <BR>mi pequeña, tu risa hizo de mi un ser completo, en ti pongo mi dechado.<BR><BR>Cuando muera quiero recordar por un instante a mis amigos y parientes, nada fue <BR>perfecto, nada en este mundo lo es, pero eso es lo mágico, saber que un <BR>día llegara el momento de morir convierte nuestra vidas en únicas <BR>e irrepetibles, esa idea nos invita a vivir intensamente cada momento, recordarme <BR>como lo que fui, un ser genuino, único y especial, como lo somos cada uno <BR>de nosotros, no me abandonéis en el anonimato, ser felices y dichosos, <BR>disfrutar de cada soplo de aire como si fuera el ultimo, la vida es un chiste <BR>con un triste final, pero hasta que llegue ese final no perdáis el tiempo <BR>en banalidades y sacarle todo el meollo a esta vida que es magnifica.<BR><BR>Cuando muera no seré nada, un cuerpo frió carente de todo pensamiento, <BR>pero seguiré vivo dentro de vosotros, en vuestra memoria aun me podréis <BR>ver sonreír, divagar en mis platónicas ideas sobre este mundo, es <BR>por eso que hoy os tengo a todos reunidos y aun no es demasiado tarde, antes de <BR>que me vaya para siempre solo os pediré algo, recordarme, recordarme.<BR><BR>Fin.<BR><BR>Cuando yo muera<BR>Carlos Sanmiguel
2

[Thursday
July 3rd, 2008
11:04pm
]
If only I had said what I still hide
2

rabies? [Wednesday
July 2nd, 2008
12:57am
]
[ mood | complacent ]

Alright, I can barely type this down (I'm using only my left hand), my right hand is aching like hell right after I took a shower and now it's just the numb, cramped  feeling.

I went to the other apartment where I paid a whole month just to... put my stuff in. (Insert really long story here.)  I'm back to my pink place (Which I will now rename as Mai's PINK PALACE) and since my "rent" in that "other" place has been used up i needed to pack my stuff.

There's the pet cat of the caretakers called Mikey. He was nice whenever I visited him then. But tonight, seeing him sprawled out near the entrance, I had the urge to give him a pat on the head and play. However at that point, I didn't get so far because he started chewing on my hand.. I thought at first he was being playful, but then I felt teeth coming through my skin.

Now I have this screw-sized bite mark at the back of my hand. I suddenly feel like Jesus trying to tell me something.

3

you you and you [Monday
June 30th, 2008
5:06pm
]
hello lj,

I'm back. Sporting weird songs, petty angst, losing-yourself fun and then some kind of divorce.

Missed you.

mai
2

Freundeskreis - Mit Dir [Monday
May 7th, 2007
11:09am
]

1

[Friday
April 27th, 2007
10:16am
]
Every little thing you do says something about yourself.

Even the way you liked to open your bottle of Yakult when you were little. Or maybe even until now.
Hahha.

 
2

Maroon 5's new song - Makes Me Wonder [Tuesday
April 24th, 2007
1:13pm
]
I wake up with blood-shot eyes
Struggled to memorize
The way it felt between your thighs
Pleasure that made you cry

Feels so good to be bad
Not worth the aftermath
After that, after that
Try to get you back

I still don't have the reason
And you don't have the time
And it really makes me wonder
If I ever gave a fuck about you

Give me something to believe in
Cause I don't believe in you anymore, anymore
I wonder if it even makes a difference to try
So this is goodbye

Got them resting in my head {?}
Decisions that made my bed
Now I must lay in it
And there are things I left unsaid

I want to dive into you
Forget what you're going through
I get behind, make your move
Forget about the truth

I still don't have the reason
And you don't have the time
And it really makes me wonder
If I ever gave a fuck about you

Give me something to believe in
Cause I don't believe in you anymore, anymore
I wonder if it even makes a difference
It even makes a difference to try

and you told me how you're feeling
But I don't believe it's true anymore, anymore
I wonder if it even makes a difference to cry
So this is goodbye

I've been here before
One day a week
And it won't hurt anymore

You caught me in a lie
I have no alibi
The word is set on how to mean me {?}

Cause I still don't have the reason
And you don't have the time
And it really makes me wonder
If I ever gave a fuck about you

You and I... and so this is goodbye

Give me something to believe in
Cause I don't believe in you anymore, anymore
I wonder if it even makes a difference
It even makes a difference to try

And it's over, hurt the feeling {?}
But I don't believe it's true anymore, anymore
I wonder if it even makes a difference to cry
So this is goodbye
0

[Thursday
April 19th, 2007
2:15pm
]
Interview. At the Argentinean Embassy. Tomorrow afternoon. Hmm.. I wonder what's gonna happen.
1

announcement... [Wednesday
April 18th, 2007
12:48pm
]

I...

had a haircut last Sunday. 


bow. :D:D

3

[Monday
April 16th, 2007
2:30pm
]
They want to have a pievce of my time...

Everybody but you.
8

[Tuesday
April 10th, 2007
3:51pm
]
How do you deal with your strange thoughts?

I don't know how I should handle mine.
3

[Tuesday
April 10th, 2007
2:02pm
]
...Love is short, forgetting is so long...
1

oops! my obligatory grad post :) [Tuesday
April 3rd, 2007
4:30pm
]
Graduation day...

Just like what everyone else said:

The place was packed, parking was horrible. It was hot and we were all sweating like pigs. There wasn't enough time to take photos with friends. 

I say:

My feet hurt like hell and after the ceremony I felt too tired to pick a restaurant where we'll eat dinner. Especially because early morning the next day, I had to attend a conference in Los Baños (where on my way, got lost about 3 times..which is so unlike me, maybe more like Pau) heheh amishu!

But all these can't change the fact that I've been smiling inside the whole day and perhaps even the night before, when I learned that my dad will ACTUALLY attend the baccalaureate mass. He doesnt like being with so many people (especially just to hear mass in school) and so he just passes the invitation to my lola.  It was always like that with my other sisters. He would usually prefer being the driver than having to smile with the other parents (maybe). So, going there with both my mom and dad is just so... pleasant. Then during the ceremony itself, I was more surprised to see him sitting with my grandmother and mom. I'm sure he gave the reserved seat to my lola so he must have sat alone in the general admission the whole time. Aww... my daddy wuuvs me so much he didnt mind being a loner there at the back. 

Although I wish Ate Millet was there too, since she paid for my college tuition (Until now I dont understand how she's just so kind, she volunteered to do it even if my parents never asked her to) but then again I wouldn't want a very pregnant woman to sit there the whole afternoon and endure the heat in the covered courts. Ate Detdet and Ate Tonette was able to watch my graduation while at the office through the internet. Hahah thanks to that pauso of ADMU. Detdet texted me everytime she saw me there. "Nakita kita sa likod ni Wilvin!" and "Corny ng bow! panget mo!". How very endearing.  Now how about my eldest sister? Well, nevermind. She was psycho enough to ruin my Thursday evening, so to hell with her. Hahah. 

What a memorable day that was. *sigh   
4

[Tuesday
April 3rd, 2007
4:17pm
]

Being here with InWEnt is great but...
Spain for July would be better... (I sent an application for internship and they're considering me!! I just need to complete ther other requirements...Woohoo! ) but then again...
U.K. would be the best! (Sheheeheeet.. im anxious, nervous and excited, I'm going crazeeee!!)

 

 

*crosses fingers

1

[Tuesday
March 27th, 2007
3:15pm
]
...but billion dreamers hope for the same thing, to make impossible theirs.
0

[Tuesday
March 27th, 2007
3:01pm
]
Perhaps my lips will never touch yours, but our thoughts always have. I am as mad and lost as you are. We both know life is not fulfilling what is in our fate. It's to live another's destiny, one that never seemed to be close to ours, that makes life special. 

0

[Tuesday
March 27th, 2007
1:38pm
]
Kung may e-mail, e-business at e-learning...
May e-numan na rin!

Kam on, let's join us!


*bwahahhahahahahh
1

ppppfffffffpppp [Monday
March 26th, 2007
5:38pm
]
they say it takes away seconds of your life each time. well then maybe, i should do it more often.
5

Since i might forget again... [Tuesday
March 20th, 2007
2:27pm
]
The DIvinyls - I touch myself. hahahhah


I love myself
I want you to love me
When I'm feelin' down
I want you above me
I search myself
I want you to find me
I forget myself
I want you to remind me

Chorus:
I don't want anybody else
When I think about you
I touch myself
I don't want anybody else
Oh no, oh no, oh no

You're the one who makes me happy honey
You're the sun who makes me shine
When you're around I'm always laughing
I want to make you mine

I close my eyes
And see you before me
Think I would die
If you were to ignore me
A fool could see
Just how much I adore you
I get down on my knees
I'd do anything for you

Chorus

I love myself
I want you to love me
When I'm feelin' down
I want you above me
I search myself
I want you to find me
I forget myself
I want you to remind me
1

Grad Pic [Friday
March 2nd, 2007
9:36pm
]
Huwaaaaw.

I'm done with all my papers, test, oral exams, graduation na lang hinihintay pero...


WALA PA RIN YUNG GRAD PIC KO!!

peshte.
0

Just one more week... [Tuesday
January 23rd, 2007
4:36pm
]
Somebody please!!! SLAP ME! Laziness is getting me, on the week of the finals! Geez. I'll be having my last Theo orals in a few hours and what do I know about the theses? NOTHING!!! And right now, what am I doing? I'm wasting time updating mj LJ!

I need to shape up... just one... last time.
0

A shit... i mean, shirt. [Friday
January 12th, 2007
1:13pm
]
Shakespeare hates your emo poems.
0

Wierd [Monday
October 23rd, 2006
7:39pm
]
have you guys tried tinkering with the Philippines audibles for ym? please do so if you're starting to get bored, now it's sembreak(!!!!ö) and if you're interested to see (and hear) a very gay tarsier saying, "Sori, strik ang peyrents ko". Yun lang.

Other news...

Online reg was fairly ok but I made a very STUPID mistake of transferring to another Dy-Liacco class and then find out it's going to be in conflict with a major subject i haven't enlisted in yet. Facks. Now all his other classes where i can join in are full except 730. Sigh. Anyone wanna join me?
0

[Monday
October 9th, 2006
3:49pm
]
HAPPY BIRTHDAY BIANKIKAY!!! May topak telepono ko so dito na lang kita babatiin. :P
0

LSS [Friday
September 22nd, 2006
8:59am
]
Meine vier Wände...
4

Sa historya ng buhay ko. [Friday
September 22nd, 2006
8:47am
]
Im posting this just to remind myself a few years from now,

that I actually got an A- in the last essay quiz I had for Philo 103 with Dr. Tomas Rosario. Fine, may (-) pa rin. pero may oras din sa akin yang A na yan. Ay, isa na lang pala yng natitirang quiz.

Ang saya saya. Ang sarap ng feeling na may "almost great" achievement na ako sa klaseng yon. Siya ang pinakamahirap ma-impress pero pinakamagaling na philo teacher sa paningin ko. (hahah.. as if naman ang dami ko nang Philo subjects) Fine. Isa sa mga teacher na kahit mahirap yung subject ay sheeet... andami mong natututunan. Wala lang.

May sarili akong mundo ngayon. Ang labo.
1

Kamalasan nung Friday [Saturday
September 9th, 2006
8:14pm
]
Nalaglag  ang cellphone ko sa toilet. Please send me your numbers again.
5

[Wednesday
September 6th, 2006
1:34pm
]
GRRRR!!!

Why are there people who ACTUALLY PRETEND they are some other person?


I was just browsing through my friendster account while killing time at RSF. I started checking out the "Who's Viewed me" Feature. Then I saw this pic of Mikoy and me. The name of the account was "chill" and since Mikoy was the tyoe of person who'd use 'chill' as an expression, I thought it was his friendster account and opened it.  TAPOS!!

I found out that the account was not connected to me. Also, the general profile stuff don't match with Mikoy's actual info. (in short, di si mikoy yon) When I looked at the photo again, its caption said: "Marc and Me."

HUWAAAAAT???!!??!

Putanginang tao yon! what the hell? At bakit naman sa lahat ng tao, pic ko pa ang gusto niyang kunin unless may balak siyang masama diba?!?!? Ang loooooooooooooooooooseeeeeeeeeeeeeeer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
0

[Wednesday
September 6th, 2006
12:46pm
]
Grabe, sobrang STRESS na talaga ang eskwela. Kagabi, iidlip lang sana ako pagkadating na pagkadating ko sa bahay kaso paggising ko, 6.30 na pala ng umaga! Tama ba namang hindi ako magising kahit sinigawan na ako para kumain kagabi? At may test nanaman ako kanina. Siyempre hindi ako naka-aral. Sana lang hindi sabog yung score na makukuha ko doon dahil isang oras lang ako naka-review. Ewan.


-sabaw utak-
0

eets been a long taym [Wednesday
August 30th, 2006
4:30pm
]
I miss camwhoring. Haha.
2

tear here. [Wednesday
August 9th, 2006
7:45pm
]
[ mood | melancholy ]

How do I feel?

Hmm. Let's see...

I feel like I badly need a cigarette. And I don't even smoke.

0

[Sunday
June 25th, 2006
8:53pm
]
Soul meets body.
1

Gulo ng mga tao!! [Tuesday
June 6th, 2006
11:19am
]
MRT station Cubao at 7.30am is really nasty. 

/*sob.
2

[Thursday
June 1st, 2006
3:17pm
]
Lunch hour is a MYTH.
0

wheeee. [Monday
May 29th, 2006
2:59pm
]
[ mood | blank ]

Jörn is officially my personal coffeemaker. Muahahha. :D

My boss is on vacation and my work routine since that is-- Drink coffee and then pee a lot.

*braindead.

 

4

Back from La Luz! [Monday
May 29th, 2006
9:06am
]
[ mood | rejuvenated ]

Yahoo. 

There goes my first and last summer '06 beach trip. Gads. I'm so fat. 

WALANG KOKONTRA!

I was here at the same beach about 3 years ago. Judging from the photos... I probably gained more or less 15 lbs.   Oh well, life goes on.

2

FINALMENTE!!! [Friday
May 26th, 2006
9:54pm
]
[ mood | awake ]

asteeeeg ito! Azuzephre is kraß! hahaha..

5

IPIS + STRING = PET?? [Monday
May 22nd, 2006
4:30pm
]
[ mood | chipper ]

While stuck in traffic the other day I saw a kid on a playing tying a piece of string to something on the ground. Bored as I was, I watched him as he was having a hard time tie up this small brown object he was holding. Then the boy turned and ran around like he was flying a kite. I looked closer at what he was playing with--  I wish it was just a farm beetle. But it was too slim and it flew quite high...  It was a huge-ass cockroach!!  

4

HELP. [Saturday
May 20th, 2006
12:37pm
]
I need a name for the company's team for the SIEMEN's SOCCER CUP 2006. Last year they named the team "GTZ's furious dozen". Umm.. ok. 

I want some kind of alliteration this year... Something that would have the same appeal of "KINKY KOALA" (heheh.. Bianca :P) Anyone, help me out? I need something that can go with (GTZ ) __________ __________.

I''ll buy lunch for the one who can give me the best name :) Go GO!!!! Make suggestions!! Hehe. Thanks.
5

[Thursday
May 18th, 2006
5:56pm
]

My layout was made by _yeaitsabigdeal at "woahfreelayouts" community

0

[Sunday
May 14th, 2006
5:03pm
]
ROY,

Can I have the contact number nung gumawa ng regcom shirt? Gusto namin kasi kunin for A.L.A.C.

:)) Danke schoen!


PAU, ROY, and all of my dear friends na may summer classes,

Punta ako school bukas, kasi wala akong magawa... at free day ako bukas from work. I wants to hangs outs. (I'll text you again anyway... Muahhahah!)
2

[Friday
May 12th, 2006
6:18pm
]
Fuck.

I wanna be suuuper thin. AAAAaargh...
8

Stupid Mixed-up accent [Friday
May 12th, 2006
5:18pm
]
What a weird excuse to be BAROK.

Only two weeks more until I'm done with my OJT. After six weeks of dealing with your Dutch boss, German Interns, British Team Moderator, and Filipinos who talk like (at least they try to make it look like that) they haven't used Tagalog for the last 5 years, you're bound to acquire weird, hodge podge pronounciation of English words.

I find myself saying STOP as "shtop" and SPACE as "shpace" (in German st- and sp- is pronounced with [Shh] ) and you get used to staff calling the company [gee-tee-zet], instead of [gey-tey-tzet] in German or [gee-tee-zee] in usual English. When I see a word that starts with "J", for a split-second i get confused whether to read it with a hard "H" sound or "Y" or [dghhzz].

Sometimes the "I" is an "E"... and then

...

And then I'm too tired to write some more. Maybe next time. ZzzzZZzzz...

((((()))))

I'll be taking the day off on Monday. With pay of course. Harhar. It's so cool, I never thought that would work.
0

Snatched from Meeegs' status message.. [Friday
April 28th, 2006
4:54pm
]
I dont need the weight of words to crash on through.
0

stinks! [Friday
April 28th, 2006
3:46pm
]
What the fuck! it stinks here!? where'd that come from??!?!?
0

The Dutch Boss [Friday
April 28th, 2006
1:29pm
]
My boss is typically European: Success is happiness. And that explains why he still doesn't have a kid after 20 years of marriage... He doesn't want them! He LOATHES children!

Ho Hum.

I like him though. I'm actually surprised that he doesnt like to have kids because he seems really nice to his interns. Well, he treats us like we are his kids. And he's hilarious too, with that deep and loud laugh that reminds me of Ali's. (Come to think of it, he also has the same curly hair!)

Yesterday he was encouraging me to take up Masteral Studies at Maastricht or at least somewhere in Germany, he says. He gave me contact info of the people whom I can ask about applications and scholarships. Well, why not.
3

Cherry Coke [Thursday
April 27th, 2006
5:43pm
]
Where have all the Cherry Cokes gone?

:-(

Not a lot of people liked those. But I do. *sigh... It's a sad, sad world.
5

[Thursday
April 27th, 2006
5:29pm
]
Mad Girl's Love Song
By Sylvia Plath


"I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)
The stars go waltzing out in blue and red,
And arbitrary blackness gallops in:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
I dreamed that you bewitched me into bed
And sung me moon-struck, kissed me quite insane.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)
God topples from the sky, hell's fires fade:
Exit seraphim and Satan's men:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
I fancied you'd return the way you said,
But I grow old and I forget your name.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)
I should have loved a thunderbird instead;
At least when spring comes they roar back again.
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)"
0

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